What My Dog Taught Me About Relationships

Do you think it's possible to love your dog too much? I mean, loving your pet is simpler, for sure. They are always happy to see you, they don't really need much from you. And even if they get mad at you, they get over it so fast.

Relationships are never quite so simple. We carry our own stuff into every interaction. We make assumptions about our partner's motivations or about their preferred outcome, and we behave as though those assumptions are correct. We decide what they want to have happen or what their inner thoughts are and then get bothered by them, etc.

Really, over half of what we get mad about never has or never will happen.

That's where the dog thing comes in. Dogs aren't self aware. They can't make assumptions about their human's thoughts or motives, because they lack the ability. That's why things are so simple for them!

I realized a while ago that sometimes I need to be more like my dog. He enters situations for what they are in the moment and not what he thinks they are or what they could be. He just lets things happen as they happen and then he responds.

Does it take less energy? Yes. So that's a nice win. But it also feels more respectful to everyone in the interaction...not reading into things means I'm not pushing my own agenda into a situation and everyone can show up as themselves.

So much of the conflict in our relationships are about assumptions we are making...either about our worth or the other persons motives. Maybe we are hearing messages from our past echoed in what we think our partner is saying or maybe we think they are saying those thoughts that were in the back of our own heads the whole time. I don't know. But I DO know that the more we can keep our baggage in check during conflict, the more productive our resolutions can be.

So take a lesson from my dog, and the next time you and your partner have an argument, disagreement, etc, try and just deal with what is in front of you. I'm not necessarily saying be less self aware, but be less self defeating.